alone

How is it possible to feel alone in a house with 7 other people? That is how I am feeling lately. Alone. Tired. Worn Out. Lost.

Tired of being tired. . .and sick of being sick. . . .

That is the story of my life recently. I have not felt like doing ANYTHING at all. I am either so tired or so sick. . .or both! I have no energy or motivation to do things. I think I might have gotten strep from my son. ARGH! Today when the kids left for the bus, I straightened up the kitchen started the dishwasher and went back to bed! When I got up (again) my throat hurt so I made some soup and ate it while I worked on the computer. I was trascribing notes I had taken the other day when I helped my FIL lower his 5 credit card bills. That took awhile. Then the kids came home and I did the afternoon stuff with them. Then made dinner, then crashed again on the couch. . .After awhile I managed to get up and help kids with evening things while cleaning up some of my room. Why does my room always get to be such a mess!?

It is so frustrating! Trying to get it clean so that it stays that way! There is so much I need and want to do and I just dont feel like it. I barely manage to get the basics done everyday! Annoying.

I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. my kids seem to be especially needy. Why is it that they can tell when I am not up to par and that is when they seem to be the worst behaved? I am not looking forward to my surgery this coming week. I just hope they can at least cut me some slack for that.

So, I just finished making dinner for my family and my friends boys (she has 7). . .well only 2 of them, the other 2 are too young to walk down the street on their own (most of the time that is. . .but that is another story. . .)anyway after I finished my kids asked if the other boys could eat. A quick assessment of the amount told me that it was doable so I said yes. When they called their dad and he agreed. So 2 of the boys and my 4 (oldest is at a friends getting her hair colored. . .also another story. . .) sat down to eat and not long later their is a knock at the door, one more of the boys wants to eat too (he overheard his dad on the phone and hightailed it down here too!

(Okay I am back. . .Just got back from Children's Mercy South Urgent Care where I took my 7 year old and it is official! Yes, he has strep, and YES! We (potentially) passed it on to a LOT of little people today at our friends 2 year old Bday party! You guessed it, that is also another story!)

So eventually we had my 4 kiddos, my Father in law, my sons friend, and my neighbors 5 boys (in total. . .they just kept coming. . .LOL). For the first time tonight I made Chipped Beef Gravy. My kids love "sawmill" or white gravy so I thought I would try the chipped beef gravy and see if the like it! They did. . .so much so that I had to make another batch of it as well as the scrambled eggs . it was a huge hit!

So, why the lego dude pic you ask?

After this wonderful and chaotic meal, where I did not get to eat by the way, I came into my bathroom to find the lego dude in my sink. And considering the fact that I just served 9 males ranging in age from 5 to 83 breakfast (for dinner!) like I was a seasoned diner cook, even! All at the same time realizing that my 7 year old who just a little while ago was bouncing around feeling fine was all of a sudden feeling really sick. All of the hustle and bustle of meal prep could not keep my mind off of the fact that I knew this sneaky pesky germ they call Strep. We have met before, many many times- in me as well as in my children. . .and even, worse still, in my husband! Not only is my mind seeing the waiting at the Urgent Care Clinic for them to tell me the obvious, it is also seeing the very first birthday party our good friends had for their newly adopted child from Columbia who just turned 2! I have the priveledge of being the one to introduce these great people to the joys of calling all of the parents on the inite list to tell them that one of the children has strep throat. These parents who up until July have been a couple of carefree DINKS (Duel Income No KidS). The same parents who not only adopted 2 year old Daniel, but his older sister Julia as well! If only my child had shown symptoms earlier! Then I would not be the one who has to be the bearer of just bad news! "Your party was so much fun! By the way in about a week, your new children who are still getting used to life in America, life with parents who love them and take very good care of them and life where everyone speaks English (their parents speak both english and spanish. . .)might get really really sick and you need to make sure to take them to the doctor if they have fever or sore throat, cause you don't want to let strep throat go untreated! Nice seeing you again! Lets do it again soon, I will be sure to bring the child that has Pink Eye next time!"

Oh well, what are you gonna do? you can know EVERYTHING right!? I know my kids and husband sometimes think I am, but I really am NOT psychic (that word just does not look right. . .but the dictionary says it is spelled right. . .) Oh boy I am off on another tangent now. . .If I keep on like this no one will ever want to read my book! LOL!! That's why we have editors right!?

Anyway, it was just too funny to come into my bathroom and find the lego dude laying there in my sink. . .

with a rock tied around his leg. . .

and his arms taken off. . .

he looks like I feel sometimes. . . .

(you totally understand everything I just wrote if you are a mom, esp if you are the mom of at least one boy!)

Back to school . . .so close. . .yet so far

I really do not have the idea that all of my problems will magically get better on Tuesday when all 5(. . .yes. . .ALL 5!!!)of my kids will be in school from 8 am until 2:45, but I think my stress level will be a LOT less! Well, there may be more stress in areas. . .like morning time when all of them need to wake up, get breakfast, find shoes, make lunch, get dressed. . .in DIFFERENT, CLEAN clothes, and get out the door in time for the bus on time. But, at least now, I will have some time where I can not be pulled in all directions, not have 5 different kids expecting me to make their world great, maybe be able to get something done around the house, possibly be able to try to make some money doing something from home ( or possible outside the home), and I might be able to find some time to write.

I know that these things are going to take time and most importantly it is going to take me being productive with my new-found "free" time. This sounds weird, even for me to say, okay, especially for me to say, but I am looking forward to being able to take care of our house the RIGHT way (with a LOT of help from Flylady). I am looking forward to the mounds and mounds of laundry, the meal planning, the vacuuming, and yes, even the sweeping and mopping. I have been trying to figure out why that is. . .and the main reason I can come up with is that when I wash, dry, fold and put away clothes. . . they will stay that way for at least a little bit. When I vacuum or sweep. . .it will stay clean for more then 5 minutes! That has been the most frustrating part of trying to tend to the house. When I finish one place or room, I turn around the the one I finished before is now a mess!

I know there are many others who can do it all with a bunch of kiddos under toe, but I am NOT one of them. Esp recently with my medical problems. When I am cramping or have a migraine or experiencing the period from HELL, it is hard for me to do anything. . .most especially hear the constant screaming that a couple of kiddos of mine this summer have taken to sharing with me! It makes it very hard to concentrate on anything when you hear screeching like that all the time.

This made me LAUGH so hard

Got this in email this morning. . .

Subject: KC Freecycle: Offer mother-in-laws tongue skc

in very nice pot and in good cond. needs some tlc. PU ASAP.

Thanks You.



I laughed so hard at this. . .cause if you knew my mother in law. . .

FUNNY

This is so funny!!!

Robert as a baby

That is what the repair man found in the washer. . .a poker chip. . .lodged in the drain pipe. . .which was causing the machine to go bonkers trying to drain it. At least now I can get back to actually washing clothes. Along with making a bday dinner and cake and homemade icing, cleaning the rest of the house for the other bday party here tomorrow, etc etc. . .I just want to take a nap. . .

Not gonna happen today! Oh well, at least the machine is working now.

Not sure what to write. . .

I am so discontent and out of sorts tonight. I really cant wait for the kiddos to start school. . .although there is still a TON to do before that happens. Create and print the elem school newsletter, shop for back to school supplies and clothes. . .with NO money, do laundry (with a broken machine. . .Best Buy service is coming tomorrow, I swear if he tells me he needs a part I might just punch him!), get back into the routine of going to bed at a reasonable hour so that we can get up at an ungodly one, getting better organized so that mornings are not so hectic and annoying, middle sons bday party is Friday nite ( cant prepare much ahead for that since payday is not until Friday. . .), oldest turns 13 tomorrow ( her list of wants and needs is a MILE long. . .and we have a planned trip to the mall for her bday on sat where I know she will try to guilt me into buying her more then we can afford. . .), my surgery is Sept 7. . .the list is endless and it is really stressing me out.

I am just not very motivated. The kids are being really bad about doing their chores and it stresses me out and makes my life harder. I actually look forward to them being in school all day and me doing their chores (they will still have to do them in the afternoon, but for the most part I will be doing them and it does not bother me. . .cause they will BE OUT OF THE WAY!! so I can actually get something done! That is the plan at least.

I am wanting to get a schedule of meals done too so that I am not so frazzled at dinner time. . .

I am just so tired of feeling like I am alone in this house. . .makes me want to eat chocolate. . .but I will resist (this time. . .at least!) cause I want to loose this stupid weight so I can play softball again and maybe possibly not look like such a fat cow all the time!@ How's that for ranting! I have been good about going to curves and hopefully I will start walking again too. It is just so HOT, even in the morning! Although I have not gotten up early on the non-curves days to actually walk cause I want to sleep in.

My oldest thought she might have a bladder infection so we went to the clinic tonight and she had her first pelvic. . .she was like I am NEVER doing that again! I told her she better get used to it! It is the first of MANY! She asked me if she needed to do that if she did not have babies. I told her yes, once you become sexually active, it is at least once a year baby! I think that scared her! Not that she is remotely interested in sex, she is actually repulsed by it. She was also freaked out when the dr asked her is she was sexually active. . .

Oh well, I should prob go to bed since tomorrow is her bday and we are going to the movies to see Ice Age 2 with some friends and some free tickets AND the repair man will be here to drain and (hopefully!!!!) fix my possessed washing machine. . .Why is it when I was doing so well with laundry, as the new habit for August my new machine decides to flake out. . .I hate getting behind on laundry! It is so annoying!!

Trying to get back to "normal"

Oldest dd is back home now, my body is (almost) done rebelling for the month, and the weekend is over. . .so it is back to "normal" around here. . .whatever that is!

My life is not my own. I have so many people who rely on me to do things for them, my husband, my 5 kids, my FIL (who lives in our basement), my church, my friends, my kids schools. . .and tomorrow I have to go to Curves before I go to my weekly bible study. The one with the book that i have not even OPENED this week. I have walked past it many times and said, later when I have time. or thought about it when I was running past it on my way to the bathroom to throw up... but I have not actually picked it up, opened it and read it! Of course, my first thought is to just make an excuse and not go. I have the perfect excuse, the ladies know I am recovering from my awful weekend. But there are only 3 of us and we have committed to helping each other get in shape and to encouraging each other. And of course there is also the fact that my WHOLE house is in shambles after me being sick this weekend. I "should" be here cleaning and making sure the kiddos dont destroy the house while I am at bible study. That too is an excuse. . .

So I will go, and I know that I will be blessed and I will try (again!) this week to actually do the bible study. Right now as I glance on my bedside table I see various other books that also need my attention. . .Motivating Your Man God's Way, The Wounded Woman, This Love We Share, Adolescence Isn't Terminal, Sometimes I feel Like Running Away from Home, Winning your Husband Back before its too Late, . . .and those are the ones on TOP of the bedside table. . . There are more in the drawer, and more in the closet on a shelf, and more in the living room in a pretty basket. . .I am pathetic! Good thing I did not buy these... I got all but one on Paper Back Book Swap! Oh, yeah, I have 3 or so waiting for me at the library too. . .

I guess I know what I will be doing when I am recovering from surgery next month! Catching up on some reading! And Bible study too! Life That Wins is the one we are doing now.

Well, I am off to bed, might actually try to read before I sleep. . .maybe not. . .I am too tired to figure out what to read! ( Oh, I also forgot the pile in the "library" or throne room as my husnand likes to call it. . .)

This is an uncropped screenshot from City of Heros game yesterday. That is me and my hubby. . .

update on the craziness. . .

Selling the BED! Have had a few bites already! Thanks Jody for telling me about it! Had to take 2 vicodin today for pain from my cyst. So I spent the afternoon stoned. Did not get much done. Maybe tomorrow. . .lol! Went to Target to get my son a present for his friends bday party and say a TON of signs everywhere for the Tax Free sales. So I thought, I should go ahead and get some school supplies for my older 2 kids (the younger 3 just have to bring in $$- YEAH!!). So I got the lists out and got most of the stuff on the list. When I was checking out I asked the lady if the stuff would automatically ring up without tax. She tells me it starts TOMORROW! WHAT, then why do you have signs everywhere!?!?! I took the stuff to the customer service and had it voided. They are holding it until tomorrow when the tax free holiday actually starts! ARGH! Talk about annoying!

Oh, well, not much else going on here. . .kids still driving me bonkers. They are bored and esp on a day like today when I do not feel well it is hard to keep them occupied. I was about to type happy, but that would just be crazy! I cant keep them happy. . .at least not all at once! I am always making someone upset!

I had to put the picture of my washer and dryer. . . cause this month is Laundry month on Flylady. We are encouraged this month to start the habit of keeping our laundry under control. I have to say since I got these machines it has been a LOT easier! But it does not take much to get behind around here though, esp if I feel bad.

I am thinking of working on clearing the CRAP from the kiddos rooms tomorrow. they are really BAD now and I need to help them clear out the clutter. It might be nice for Catherine to come home to a cleaner room too!